the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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