Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
