There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
