i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize