I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
