good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
