Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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