I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
