I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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