you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
