Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
