I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
