how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
