YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
