P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
