I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
