It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Found your dick twin last night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
