i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
