It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
