On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
