Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
