Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
