it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
