sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
