i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
