the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
