honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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