I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
