I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
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