i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
