I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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