none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
