So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
