grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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