The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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