i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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