So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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