He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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