have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
