ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
