Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
