my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
