HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
mondays should just be called national damage control day
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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