yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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