You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
