I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
