Whod you bang
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
