My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
be right there i have to get my cape
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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