Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
