Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm always down for nudity.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
