I accidentally had phone sex last night
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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